Preheat the oven: Set to 375°F (190°C).
Lightly grease a 9x13-inch baking dish.
Sauté the aromatics: Warm a large skillet over medium heat. If your beef is very lean, add olive oil or butter. Add the diced onion with a pinch of salt and cook 3–4 minutes until softened.
Stir in garlic and cook 30 seconds until fragrant.
Brown the beef: Add ground beef and break it up with a spatula. Season with salt, pepper, and smoked paprika. Cook until no longer pink and most moisture evaporates, about 6–8 minutes.
Flavor the meat: Stir in Worcestershire sauce, sugar-free ketchup, and mustard.
Let it simmer 1–2 minutes to meld. Taste and adjust seasoning. Fold in the chopped pickles.
Make the custard base: In a bowl, whisk eggs, heavy cream, and cream cheese until mostly smooth.
Small specks of cream cheese are fine. Stir in 1 cup of shredded cheddar.
Assemble the casserole: Spread the beef mixture evenly in the baking dish. Pour the egg-cheese mixture over the top, tilting the pan so it settles into the meat.
Sprinkle the remaining 1 cup cheddar evenly over everything.
Bake: Place on the center rack and bake 18–22 minutes, until the top is golden and the center is set. A slight jiggle is okay; it will firm as it rests.
Rest and garnish: Let stand 5–10 minutes. Top with sliced green onions, extra pickles, or a light drizzle of sugar-free ketchup or burger sauce, if desired.
Serve: Cut into squares and plate with a simple side salad or roasted veggies.
Enjoy warm.